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Wedding Rituals

 Bengali Wedding


Introduction
Since Bengal is mostly a coastal region, produce from the sea plays a significant role in all religious ceremonies - hence the important presence of fish, shell and corals. A salient feature of the Bengali wedding is the blowing of the conch and the Ooli. This is a sound made by the women with their tongues and by beating the palms on the mouth throughout all the ceremonies. Ovoli is significant since it symbolically ensures that everybody's attention is drawn to the main ceremony and nobody is distracted by idle gossip during the ceremonies. Weddings do not take place in the months of Bhadra, Ashwini, Paush, Chaitra and Karthik, as these months are considered inauspicious. The mahurat for the wedding is always after sunset, the Godhuli hour or the hour when the cowherds bring their flocks home.

Wedding Attire
Bridal Wear
The Bengali bride wears a Benarasi sari with a wide zari border and drapes a red cheli or veil on her head. There is an attractive headgear in the from of a sholar mukut or crown carved out of pith (bark of a tree). The bride's forehead is marked by artistically designed motifs. The bride also wear traditional heavy gold jewellery. Her hair is put up with pins but must not be braided or knotted (a knot is usually tied when something is broken). Her head is covered with a dupatta. Her hands and feet are decorated with alta (a red coloured dye mixed with water). She wears a garland of flowers. The traditional marriage symbols for a Bengali woman are the three types of bangles namely shankha (conch shell bangle), Pala (lacquer bangle), and loha (iron bangle).

Groom's Wear
The bridegroom dresses in traditional white dhoti and kurta. The dhoti must not be tied with any knots. It can only be folded and tucked in. He drapes a chadar around his shoulders and adorns his head with a huge sholar topor that adds height to the wearer. His accessories are a floral garland around his neck and a metallic mirror, darpan, held in his hand. His make-up consists of chandan dots on his forehead. For the actual wedding ceremony, the groom changes into clothes gifted by his father-in-law. The ensemble, is a twin set consisting of a dhoti and chadar which is made of garad, a traditional silk fabric from Bengal. The dhoti must not be tied with any knots. It can only be folded and tucked in. He now wears a topor presented to him by his father-in-law.

Pre-Wedding Rituals
Ashirwaad
This ritual is performed on anyday not earlier than one month before the wedding and not later than one day prior to the wedding. The groom goes to the house of the bride. The bride's family gives him gifts. He also gets gold, in the form of a ring or chain. He is anointed with a sandalwood tilak on his forehead. Some dhaan (rice husk signifying plentitude) and darba grass (symbolising that he will treat the bride with tenderness) is offered to him. He is then offered mishti (sweets).

Ai Buddo Bhaat
On the night before the wedding, the would be bride takes her last supper as a maiden. In her honour a complete feast with all the delicacies of the cuisine (fish, meat, etc.) is prepared. The wedding day begins at 4.00 am for the bride. She is woken up, bathed and dressed in a white sari with a red border (white symbolising purity and chastity, and red, fertility). She wears all her jewellery and is fed a mixture of puffed rice, curd and sweets. She has to eat this before dawn or before the crows caw, heralding the morning. After daybreak, she is not allowed to eat any cereal or rice. She may only eat sweets, and drink water or sharbat. This is to keep her system light and alert for the ceremony to follow. The menfolk of the girl's family, that is, her father, uncles and brothers, perform a ceremony at about 11.30 or 12.00 in the morning. They offer water to the souls of their ancestors to invoke their blessings. The girl is required to sit through this ceremony.

Haldi Uptan
The bride is made to sit in the midst of four plantain trees kept at four corners of the room. Traditionally, the plantain leaf symbolises the blessings of Lord Shiva and Goddess Durga. The presence of these trees is required throughout the wedding ceremony. She is then anointed with turmeric paste.

Shakha Paula
The priest chants specific Sanskrit verses. Then seven married women adorn the bride's hands with the traditional bangles made of shell and coral. Since real coral bangles are too expensive, they have been substituted today with red plastic or lac bangles. The shell is supposed to mirror the qualities of the moon, thereby implying that the girl remain serene and calm. The coral is supposed to be beneficial for health. Alongside, the girl also wears a bangle made of iron (loha), which is given by the groom. This signifies that this relationship assumes the qualities of iron, i.e. to be tough and enduring. Then lunch is served to all those who are present. The bride is then dressed up for the wedding.

Potto Bastra
At the wedding venue the groom is welcomed with a boron (straw colander) containing a lamp, honey, curd, sweets, betel leaves and cowries (symbol of plentitude and auspiciousness). This is a pointer to the hope that his presence will bring light, his speech, sweetness, like honey, and that he stays cool like curd. The priest recites Sanskrit shlokas and the father of the bride gives the groom potto bastra, i.e. a dhoti and chaadar which he will wear for the wedding ceremony. At this time other gifts to the groom may also be given. The groom also wears a garland of flowers and is seated in the mandap.

Phool Mala
The dhoti which the groom was wearing as he entered the mandap is spread out on a wooden stool. The bride is then seated on. Her brothers, uncles or cousins then carry the bride into the mandap. She keeps her face covered with a paan (betel leaf). With the girl still sitting on it, the stool is rotated seven times. The girl then flings the paan over her head. A chaadar or sheet is then held over the heads of the bride and the groom and they glimpse each other for the first time that day. This is called Shubh Drishti. They then exchange garlands in a crossed manner, i.e., the boy's hands must pass through the girl's garland in order to garland her.

Sampradan
Mangal Kalash is a mud or metal pot filled with water is decorated with mango leaves and a tender coconut placed on it. The bride and groom sit facing each other. The girl places her left hand in the boy's right hand. Amidst the recital of sacred Sanskrit hymns, their hands are bound with the sacred thread and placed over the Mangal Kalash. After the priests give their blessings to the bride and the groom, they sit side by side, knees touching, for the remainder of the marriage. Upto this stage of Sampradaan, the girl's mother is not allowed to watch or attend the ceremonies for fear that she may not be able to withstand seeing her daughter leave her maternal home.

The Marriage Ceremony
Yagya
The bride and groom are seated in front Agni (sacred fire). The priest chants mantras which they repeat, and offer ghee to the fire.

Saat Pheras
The traditional grinding stone on which masalas or spices are ground is placed upside down. Near this, seven circular alpanas (rangolis or decorative patterns on the floor) are drawn, and one paan is placed on each one of them. The girl stands in front and she takes her first step on the stone, the boy gently nudges her left foot with his right. She then places her foot on the first alpana. Seven such steps are taken. Just as the pestle for grinding the masalas moves round and round and finally rests on the stone, so also the couple remain stable and unmoving, and withstand all difficulties and hurdles with the stoicism of stone.

Anjali
Then the groom takes both her palms in his and the girl's brother fills them with popped rice (Khoi) which is offered to the fire.

Sindoor Daan or Ghunghat
The bride then covers her head with a new sari offered by the groom. The groom takes a box containing a red powder (sindoor). He dips a ring into the sindoor and traces a line of it from between the girl's eyebrows through the parting in her hair. He then covers her face with a new sari (ghunghat), signifying that she is now his. The red colour of the sindoor implies passion, fertility and strength. This concludes the marriage.

Post-Wedding Rituals
Reception
The bride's family holds as reception and there is a grand feast for the guests. The bride and the groom spend the first night after the wedding in the bride's house playing traditional games with their friends throughout the night. There is a lot of merrymaking with song and dance.

Bidaai
This refers to the bride's tearful farewell from her maternal home. As she steps out, she throws a handful of rice over her head into her mother's aanchal signifying that with this gesture, she has repaid all her debts to her mother.

Bharan Poshan
At the groom's house, there is a welcome meal for the bride with her husband. There the groom says that henceforth, he will look after all her needs (Bharan Poshan).

Kaal Ratri
In the evening, the boy's family holds a reception. The second night after the wedding, the boy and girl are not allowed to even look at each other.

Bohu Bhaat
The following morning, the girl cooks rice, and this rice with ghee is served to all members of her husband's family. This is symbolic of her desire to serve her family.

Phool Shojja and Suhaag Raat
The third night after the wedding, the bride and groom are adorned with flowers. Their bedroom is also decorated with flowers and they are now permitted to consummate the marriage.

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